Time for a Recommitment

Okay. So here's the deal: I have decided to recommit myself to this blog, and to documenting my experiences here. I know I have been hit or miss, writing 3 blog posts in one day and the disappearing for weeks. NO MORE!

Why, you ask? I'll tell you why! I have come to realize that this blog is as much for my own benefit as it is a way for the Center to keep tabs on me and learn about what I'm up to down here. Trying to catch my experiences, emotions, feelings, and ideas as they happen or soon afterward so that I do not forget them, because oh boy do I ever forget. I already forgot what I had for lunch today, which in the everyday world might not be such a big deal, BUT I AM IN PANAMA! Here, even the food I eat and where I eat is vastly different from what I'm used to. So I've come to realize that while things like that might not mean much to me right now (and no I will not start blogging about my every meal), they collective create a new and exciting world which I am calling home for two months.

I have never been much of a writer (other than planners, I LIVE for my calendar), one to keep a diary, or something else. I have always been more of a talker (wouldn't you agree?) and prefer sitting on a park bench for hours and talking about my week with a friend than spending that same time sitting down to write in notebook or on a computer.

But, my friends are far away... in Tallahassee and in dozens of interesting cities and countries around the world. It is kind of hard to have coffee with someone 5,380 miles away. Impossible, actually. So I will write on this blog, and stare at this computer screen, and hope that my family and friends, and all those important in my life, are staring back, wherever they may be. And that although we are not face to face, we will still have that moment together.

When I was in high school, I was a member of my cross country running team. Although I was never great, nor even what most would consider "good", I loved it because it challenged me and I achieved goals I never thought possible. The experience of going from an overweight eight grader who could not finish one lap on the track, to completing 10k, 20k races in high school enabled me to believe in myself for the first time in my life. So naturally, I relate a lot of my life experiences to running, and "the race" experience. Each race was 5 kilometers, a little over 3 miles. During most races, the halfway point was clearly marked, and when I reached it, I would always have the same conversation with myself..."How am I doing? Are my legs burning bad enough? What's my time? Will I beat last week's time? Should I slow down? Should I speed up?" and I would evaluate my performance (as much as you possibly can, while running and trying to breathe/not trip/telling the pain in your legs to go away).

I have been in Panama for a little over a month, in a two-month journey. This is my halfway point, the time to reassess and evaluate if I should slow down, speed up, or continue steadily to the finish line. And after much evaluation, I have realized that I need to step it up with my blogging! Not only will it help me process what I am experiencing, but it will serve as a memory always for my time in Panama. I also need to step it up at the agency I'm working at (Civitas Panama), and on my thesis work. I'll explain more about those in my next few posts, promise.

So, be prepared for a few posts coming up! I hope you read them all, so we can go through this incredible journey together! Also, if for any reason I am gone for a while from the blog-o-sphere without explanation, bug me about it! Help keep me on track with this and I will be forever grateful.

Lastly, time for some shout-outs! Beth, Marie, and Rody... thanks for taking the time this week to speak/chat/skype with me, it really meant a lot and helped me make a lot of decisions/get things off my chest/ get me in a better mood. I love you all and I am soooooo happy that technology allows us to remain in contact even though we are so far away!

A statue of the most famous indian in Panama, who never let himself be conquered by the Spanish. In the courtyard of Escuela Normal in the Herrerra province. I learned a lot about him.